By The Gestalt Model in Context, The Aesthetic Lens, Stephanie Backman, Gordon Wheeler
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Extra info for On Intimate Ground: A Gestalt Approach to Working with Couples
Sample text
Ifl don't yet know very clearly where I need to go at the moment-what I feel and want, where my desires and commitments are pulling me-then the support I need is the intimate dialogue itself (with the therapist, and/or with an intimate partner) in order to find that out. The dialogue is a process of active listening (including challenge, boundary, the experience of difference), the empathic or intersubjective exploration that validates the person's inner world. This dialogue may well lead to the negotiation of some more material kind of help, as, for example, when I need my partner's support with the kids and the budget, say, in order to be able to go back to school, change jobs, or redirect my life in some way.
Most of my living-at least the "doing" part of my living-is the vast and interwoven fabric of all these goals pursued (large and small), risks managed, dangers (hopefully) averted, plans and hopes and fears close and distant, and all the myriad interrelations of trade-off and compromise, attending to one thing and deferring another, all of it put together as best as conditions seem to permit at the time. 6 On Intimate Ground Thus if you ask me why I do a given thing, my answer will likely lie not in some past event, but in some present issue or future condition, some goal or risk that seems to me, in my own best subjective estimation, to move closer or more distant relative to me, be held on to or kept at bay or otherwise managed by my behavior in the present field as I see it.
In particular, what we should add here is that the important "unfinished business" of couples and other patients always carries a dimension of necessary grieving in this sense, and that the intimate couple, with the support and guidance of the therapist, provides the setting for seeing and holding and supporting that process for each other, in the course of therapy and then ongoingly throughout their lives. Contextualization and Conclusions We've come a journey, in just a few pages, since our introductory remarks about the Gestalt model and its promise of a new way of seeing our couple clients, their problems, and their potential for growth and healing together.